The problems that resulted from my old host are still causing more difficulties. Had to change the email address at least for now.
New email address Molly_Naked At yahoo.com
The guy I mentioned in a couple of enteries ago is no longer in the picture. However, met another guy last night. I don't seem to be having a problem meeting guys anymore. Just have a problem meeting guys that keep my attention for more than a few days. This guy seems pretty cool. Just have to wait to see if it goes anywhere. He didn't stare at my tits and seemed able to hold a conversation for more than a minute.
On a side not I'm really horny. I haven't had sex since my birthday last month. Before I went out last night, I was watching TV, nothing even sexual and found my hand slipping into my jeans.
The Breast Test....I got a 7 out of 12. I guess I don't know breasts as well as I thought I did.
Wow it's been a ling time since I updated last. I'm not trying to make excuses. I just want to let you know what's been going on. First off I got busy...between work and my personal life I really didn't have time to check my email let alone do any updating. The good news is I'm single again. And I'm not being sarcastic this time. I'm happily single right now. I guess it's because I have a guy that I'm talking to. Nothing serious. I don't even know if I like him but we have great conversations etc etc. The other reasons I haven't updated in a while is because I had problems with the host of my website. You may have noticed that my site was down what seemed like every other day. The good news is that I have a new host and everything is all good. I can't promise I'm going to update every day but I'm going to make an effort to start updating on a regular basis again.
I'm not sure where to start. Things are going good. I've gone out with Andy a couple of times now. He still tries to bring me to places that are expensive and fancy and met to impress me but it doesn't bother me as much as it did at first. I met a couple of his guy friends but I kind of feel I really don't know much about him yet. But things are good. We've made out a little. He's an A+ kisser and he has a perfect touch. We haven't had sex or anything like that but that might change after the next date. I think I'd like that change.
However, with Jess things have gone a lot further. Last Saturday night I slept over at her house. We slept in the same bed but we didn't kiss even kiss. I thought we were heading towards friendville. I kind of made a move to kiss her but she avoided it. But Thursday we went shopping together. When I was leaving, she kissed me good bye. I didn't want to leave but I had to work early the next morning. Saturday night I went out with her again. But instead of going to her bar like we did last Saturday, we went to her favorite bar to go to when she wasn't working. We had a lot of fun. Had a little too much to drink. Had a lot of fun. Played pool, which we were both horrible at. But at two when the rest of the bars in neighborhood have to close, the bar got really crowded. We were getting ready to leave. While she stopped in the bathroom a couple of guys started hitting on me. One was kind of cute. But then he told me I had nice tits and that I should go home with him. I was looking for a way to escape. Luckily, Jess found me. Told the guys we were together and didn't need them. And she grabbed me by waistband of my jeans. She grabbed a little too hard and popped the button off. It was really funny. I had to keep my hands in my pockets to keep the zipper from falling off.
We went back to her apartment. We were still laughing about the buttons on my jeans. We sat down on her couch. And made out for a little while. She didn't waste anytime taken advantages of my missing button. She slid her hand underneath my panties. She fingered me. I haven't enjoyed being fingered for a long time. We messed around for a while until we started to pass out. We only fingered each other and did she felt me up a little but it was all I needed to be happy.
This afternoon, I didn't want to leave her but I really needed to get a pair of jeans that stayed up by themselves.
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09.18.04 Something Something |
Just a quick update tonight. I don't have a lot of time before I go out tonight. I went out with Andy last night. It was fun, but a little overwhelming. I enjoyed the date, Andy seems like a great guy so far, he's definitely fun to hang out with but I think he was trying a little too hard to impress me. He took me to a really really (way too) nice restaurant. It was one of the places where they don't have prices on the menu. And the hostess, and wait staff knew him by name. I can't say I wasn't impressed, I was but there's more to life than fancy restaurants. It was a beautiful night last night so we went walking around downtown for a while. We kissed a couple of times, walked hand in hand but he was a gentleman. He wanted to go out again tonight but I had already made plans to hang out with Jessica. And even after talking to her a few times I still don't know if we're friends or something more. If I get lucky I'll find out tonight. I'm going to her work again. She said their is some local band playing that I'll love. We'll see.
Kind of got some bad news today. Not really super bad but I can't get it out of my head now. Tonight, I was only checking out my old hometown newspaper's web site. I've been checking out the wedding/engagment section recently because it seems everytime I do I recognize one of the names. It's kind of depressing to see all these happy couples when I don't have anyone serious in my life. Today was extra depressing. The first picture I see was of my ex and some blonde slut. Ok slut is a pretty strong word and I'm being sarcastic. It just hurt me to see happy. Actually he didn't even look happy. I'd like to think he was thinking of me in the photo. He's the guy I think about when I'm feeling extra lonely. He's the guy I wonder if things could've worked out if we'd be married now. I had a crush on him for a long time. When he finally acknowledged me I fell hard for him. I still remember the first time we kissed. Outside of my parents house after a date. He walked me to the door. I thought everything in the world was going to be alright. Then two weeks later he ended it. No good reason just ended it.
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09.14.04 Someone New!!! AGAIN |
Well this weekend I met a guy. Last night I met a girl. First of all I really haven't had an interest in being with another female in a while. In high school and college I experimented (ok it was a little more than just experimenting) but since then I have lost my interest (beyond an occasional fantasy when I'm in bed alone). Last night I went to see a local band play in Chicago with a bunch of my friends. Jessica was bartending there. I ended up spending more time at the bar then watching the band. She flirted with me first. I'm shy when it comes to making the first move with guys I'm super shy when it comes to other girls. At first I thought she was flirting with me to get bigger tips. Then (when her boss wasn't watching) she stopped taking my money and started giving me free drinks. We made fun of the customers together. She acts pretty tough when she had to deal with some of the drunks but she was super sweet. When the performance was over my friends found me and we were about to leave when Jessica stopped me. She scribbled her number down on a napkin and whispered in my ear to call her anytime. I wrote down mine too. She kissed me on the cheek. But I'm not sure if she wants to be friends or if she's lesbian. The only clue I have is that when one customer told her she had nice tits she responded in saying these tits are for girls only. But I'm not sure if she was being sarcastic or what. She called me a couple hours after I had left. I was drinking at my friends apartment, my phone was in my purse in another room and I didn't hear it ring. She only left a short message to call her back. I guess I'm going to have to do that now.
So far it's been a pretty good week.
Well...I met a guy. Ok a deccent guy. A guy worth getting to know better. He's not just eye candy, he's intelligent but yeah he's halfway cute too. One minor detail he is a little bit older. I don't know if you remember my friend that was dating a guy 15 years older than her. Well I kind of lost touch with her. She started spending all her time with this guy. She doesn't even call me or any of her friends anymore. Then last month she quit her job and moved in with him. It would be nice to have a sugar daddy but I don't think I could quit my job and my friends for any guy. However, it would be nice to not have to work anymore. Ok, I'm done with this tangent but it's relavent. This guy I met is ten years older. He's been married and has two kids. He's from like another world: he works in the corporate world 9-5 doesn't go out every night but I happened to meet him on one of the nights he did go out. I was at my favorite upscale bar/restaurant. It's actually the place where I met the last older guy I kind of had a thing with (it didn't lead to any sex). It's a nice bar not like a lot of the dives or the bars in the city I go to. The guys actually dress up, some are wearing suits, which means I also have to dress up. Kind of funny, It's been a while since I wore a classy look skirt and matching top. I think my low cut top is what caught his attention. Me and my friend had captured stools are the crowded bar and he had pushed his way through to get some drinks. I caught him looking down my shirt and he caught me catching him. I laughed and he played along. He bought me and my friend our next round of drinks then disapeared into the crowd. I caught glances of him with his friends across the bar but it looked like he was talking to another woman. So I forgot about him met a couple of other guys but no one worth while. Then he came back. Learned his name was Andy (we might be hearing alot of that name) and that he has at least half a working brain. We talked for a while, and the alcohol was influencing me and I started to think it was a good idea to go home with him. We kissed but my friend saved me. However, this evening he called and we made plans to go out this week.
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09.08.04 Visions Of An Ex |
It happened again. Yesterday he came into my store. I don't know if it's another twin or if this was actually him. It's funny how after being so close to someone for so long I can forget what he looks like. But whoever it was, came into my store, with a blonde bimbo (ok, I'm being me mean, she was a scantily clad slut...wait I'm still being me..she wasn't bad looking but she wasn't me.). The girl keeps walking into the store but he stops when I turn to look at him. Again, I don't know if it really is him or not. I think he was surprised to see me, I've transferred stores since we broke up. Or he may just be checking out the store. I do a triple take and he's still looking at me or into the store. But it's too busy for me to pay too much attention to him. I have four customers that all want my help and before I can get free he's gone.
On a bett. It's a nice er note, I just got an email from my best friend in high school. He said he might be in town next month for a conference.
I'm not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me or what. But about two weeks ago I think I saw my ex. Not a recent ex, but my ex that I went out with for two years. If it was him that I saw it was the first time I had seen him since June. Our relationship didn't end in a fight but it did end up with me walking out of his house and out of his life. In January, I saw him at a bar we both go to. It was crowded enough that the only time I saw him was when I was leaving, we looked at each other but neither of us said anything. I just walked by, the crowd pushing me out the door. Then two weeks ago I was walking through the mall and saw a guy that looked just like him. The guy didn't see me, or at least I didn't see him see me. I made the best attempt to avoid any eye contact just in case it was him. But I think it was him, the jeans sagged in the same way, he wore his shirt the same way and the hair looked very similar from behind. Last week, I went to see a band perform at one of the bars in the city. I'm standing by the bar and across the crowd I see a familiar face. It looks like him. He stares back at me. I look away and a few minutes later we catch each other looking again. It looks just like him, the way his hair was, the glasses, everything about his face. But it was across a crowded bar and I had a few drinks in me so I'm not sure what I saw. But it couldn't have been him. He once told me he hates the band I went to see. I don't know if it's my mind playing tricks on me or if he's stalking me. Which, I seriously don't think he is. I think it's my mind playing tricks on me. But why now. I think I'm finally over him and he or his twin comes back into my world.
Yesterday night was pretty fun. A girls night out. Except we never made it out. Our plan was to have a few drinks then go to the pool hall. The drinking part went fine. When we were getting ready to leave my friend, Jill started going thru her roommates drawers looking for some allergy medicine. What she found was her roommates handcuffs. She's lived with the girl for about three years and didn't have any idea that she had handcuffs. I've only met her a couple times but she didn't seem the type to own a pair of handcuffs. She's kind of quiet and I've only seen her talking to guys a few times. Anyways my friend was drunk enough to come out of the room and pretended to arrest our other friend, Cindy. She jumped on her wrestled (yeah we were a little drunk) with her then slapped the handcuffs on. The only problem is that we didn't have the keys for the handcuffs. We couldn't find them anywhere. And of course the roommate who owns the handcuffs is half a world away in Europe for the month with no easy way to reach her. After an hour of searching for the keys (it turns out the roommate has the keys on her key chain with her in Europe) we decided we had to call a lock smith. We tried calling a emergency lock smith but he wanted nothing to do with it. Even when my friend tried flirting with him he told her no. We tried calling the cops. They laughed at us but they said they would send someone over in a while. They said they had a few other more important things then the would get over here. An hour later still no sign of the cops. We're still drinking and we're giving Cindy sips of the drinks like she was a baby. Did I mention that her hands we locked behind her back. We decided to go out and wait on the front porch for the cops. Luckily we saw the apartment complex security guard drive by. We flagged him down and he tried to open it up with the keys for his handcuffs. But he told us his keys only worked on real handcuffs not the kinky kind we had. He laughed at us too but he called one of the other guards, who even though he was off duty came and unlocked the handcuffs. He claimed it was in case he ever came across a kidnaped victim that been handcuffed. He was another person I didn't think would own a set of handcuffs. They hung out with us drank with us for a while and I got his phone number. Maybe I'll be the next one handcuffed.
Sorry, I haven't been updating on a regular basis. I like sharing details of my life in this manner because it's a stress reliever, it allows me to write and it turns me on sometimes but when my relationship with Nick ended I felt like keeping this pain inside. It's not like we had a real relationship. It's not like our relationship lasted that long. I did become super attached to him but I didn't try to control my feelings. I thought this relationship could've gone somewhere. But it didn't. I'm single again and he's looking for more girls to get in bed with. And I'm not really angry about it. Really I'm not. I'm just tired of relationships and all the drama that comes along with being with someone else. Not that being alone is that much fun either.
I feel asleep after work tonight. I was going to go out with my friends to some bar. Instead I had a dream. Like most of my dreams it was kind of weird. I'm outside, in front of some sort of corporate office like building. I'm laying down on the sidewalk watching people go by me. At first it's strangers. Then it's people I know. First my enemeies. Then people I knew that I really didn't know beyond hello. Then people I wish I knew better. Then my friends. Then I realized I was naked. There was a man on top of me. I can't tell what he looked like other than that he was still wearing his clothes. He was dressed in a suit but his pants were halfway down and he was fucking me. He was really good. I don't know why I thought he was really good, it was a dream I couldn't feel him inside of me.
After I wrote the other night that I was getting sex on a regular basis I realized I'm not really. Nick and I only have sex once or twice a week. We don't even really go out on dates anymore. Not that we went on more than two dates ever. I wouldn't even call this a relationship. Yeah, we said I love when we were both drunk but I didn't really mean it. He calls and I don't have the sense of urgency to pick up my phone. Yeah I'd say it's over. But I'm a cliche. I don't want to be alone. And before you offer thanks but no thanks. I know there are a lot of nice guys but online and offline I find the jerks and the perverts. Which is okay because I'm a bitch and a nympho but there's a lot more to me than just that. I have a lot more than tits, ass and a vagina. Hmmm...what type of deeper feelings do I have. I guess I have a little resentment. Tired of guys staring at my chest. Tired of guys using me for just my pussy. And that's where it get complicated I want to have the sex. I love the sex. Need the sex.
My roommate just got back from a weekend away with her boyfriend. She didn't say it, she just implied that they spent the whole weekend in some cabin in the woods next to a lake making love. I'm sure she'll tell me all the details later. I used to have fantasies like that. Some guy would sweep me off my feet and we'd go away to some hidden place and just have each other. But at first I was too young, my parents wouldn't let me sleep at a boys house let alone go away for a weekend. Not that I didn't sneak around rules like that but it's not the same as being able to get away and not have anything to worry about. In college I had the freedom but homework got in the way of any major trips. And there were weekends that I spent with boys but most of the time we were too hung over to fuck. Now, I work most weekends. Got to love retail, when everybody else is off I'm working. Now I'm lucky to have a quickie. Maybe in the morning when we wake up, before one of us has to rush to work. If I work the early shift, maybe after work if I don't fall right to sleep. Or maybe right before I fall asleep. Never, a whole evening, morning or even an afternoon would be nice. I'm tired of quickies, drunk fucks etc. Ok, I'm lying I'm not really but a change would be nice every once in a while. And I guess I can't complain too much at least I am getting sex on a semi regular basis.
Had the day off today went downtown to go to the lake with my friend. Going to Lake Michigan is kind of like the going to the ocean, you can't see across to Michigan so it kind of seems like an ocean and the beaches are packed like I remember from going to the New Jersey coast or Jones Beach when I was still living in New York. However, on the east coast you have to worry about needles and other medical waste, in Chicago you have to worry about bacteria closing down the beaches.
But I really haven't been to a beach in a while. I even had to buy a bikini. I felt kind of awkward, pale and my stomach isn't as flat and my butt isn't as tight as it used to be when I'd spend endless weekends at the beach. Especially next to my friend, (the girl who wants to be an exotic dancer) I looked pale and out of shape. She's tan, works out almost every day (I wish I had that kind of time) and has a nice chest which grabs most guys attention. Luckily, my chest hasn't disappeared and I shared some of the attention.
Overall, the day was fun, we did a lot of flirting, got some sun, played some volleyball and caught up on some sleep. When we started getting tired we moved to a quieter section of the beach. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I guess my friend didn't she left and went to get some water and food. She woke me up when she returned. She told me some guy had been following her and video taping her. She told the lifeguard but the guy disappeared as soon as she started heading to the watchtower.
I can only imagine how she feels. I felt violated and I don't think the guy even video taped me. I also felt kind of disgusted knowing what the guy was going to do with the video he took when he got home. Hopefully, he was just going to masturbate to it. And I'll admit I'm kind of turned on by guys masturbating while thinking of me but that's only when they're reading my erotic stories or other situations when I let them willingly into my erotic space. Not when they invade my privacy like this guy did. And I know it's a free country and we were out in a public space but don't we still get some privacy.
And I hope the guy doesn't upload the video to some website. I surf to a lot of porn sites because I write reviews of other sites and need to trade links with other sites and I've run into a few of the voyeur sites. And I've seen the sites where it's obviously fake and the girl is being paid. But I've also run across the sites where you can tell the girl had no idea she was being photographed. Something about that just makes me uneasy.
Got an email the other day from someone asking me why I do this site. I don't think there is one simple answer.
I like to write. I really like to write erotic stories. I don't stick to one subject or fetish in my writing but I do like writing stories of events that did happen or there is a possibility that it could happen. For example, reading stories about guys with huge dicks and blondes with big tits that meet and fuck really don't turn me on. But I think reality based stories are more likely to excite me. Which, I guess is how this relates to me writing my journal. I've been chatting on AOL and other chat services since I was in high school. Some of my favorite conversations have been about my sex life. And since there seems to be a growing lack of intelligence (I'm not saying there was any to begin with) I looked for an alternative. This is it. I like writing about my sex life. And when I don't have a sex life writing about my lack of sex kind of release my tension or stress. I also like analyze situations or conversations and writing about them allows me to understand them better.
I started a "sex journal" when I first started messing around with guys. In my regular journal I would also write about who I kissed and later who I had sex with. Most of the entries were non-sexual but some where. But they weren't much more than "I had sex with so and so in the back of his car at the river. I didn't write much more than that most of the time. I do remember writing long multi page entries about my first time, giving head and other random subjects. I wish I still had access to that diary. It's with the rest of my stuff from my parents house in a storage locker.
I hope this helps answer the question about why I do this. I don't really think this takes a lot of courage. It's almost completely anonymous. My friends from real time don't know about my little secret online journal but I don't think it would be the end of the world if they did.
During my break today at work, three of us were in the back of the store talking and gossiping. The original subject was relationships, the conversation turned to talking about blow jobs. One of the other girls, complained that her boyfriend wanted her to give him head all the time. Which, is something I thought everybody already knew. I just learned how to deal with it, giving enough head to make my lover stop complaining (just joking).
She said she really didn't enjoy going down on her boyfriend and hated the taste of his cum. When I first started giving head I really didn't like it. I thought it was gross to have a guys dick in my mouth. I felt awkward doing it. I wasn't that good but the guys didn't seem to mind. I think I didn't like it because, I was doing it at my own will. I wasn't being forced to do it but at the same time it seemed like it was my responsibility to give him head. At some point I started enjoying giving head. I like making a guy feel good. I feel powerful and satisfied knowing that I can make a guy cum. And I think I'm pretty good at it. Yeah, guys are lucky because they don't have to taste their own cum. And some guys cum really doesn't taste that good but it's really not that bad as some people make it. After a few minutes I usually can't taste the cum anymore or if I can I brush my teeth or drink something. But most guys cum, really doesn't bother me. I've even tasted a few that I liked.
And she complained for a while but I was pretty quiet. Only admitting that I gave head. I really didn't add much to the conversation. I think that if I was with my friends I would've been an advocate for blow jobs but not at work.
Like I said I didn't go out last night. Planned on just eating popcorn, watching TV, do some writing and that's about it. Instead at about eleven, Nick called me. I thought he was drunk. For the past two weeks he's only been calling me when he's been drinking. He was sober which was really weird for him. And us both being sober on a Friday night is bizarre. But back to the point. He came over and we had sex twice. It seemed like we were just going through the motions. The second time he complained that he wasn't going to cum. We fucked for a while. A little bit too long. I'm still a little sore today. And the only way he was able to cum the second time was when I gave him head. And while the sex wasn't good and I didn't sleep well, it felt really good to have someone in bed with me. I remember as he was holding me after our second time, and while we were trying to go to sleep, he was playing with my nipple. And that turned me on more than the sex.
And I'm not sure what my conclusion of all this is yet. I think it means that it's over. But I kind of decided that already a week ago.
I'm not motivated to go out tonight. Which is unusual for me on a Friday night. My friends are going to one of the popular bars in the city filled with meatheads and skinny girls with silicone chests.It just doesn't seem like fun tonight. I'm tired of meeting the same guys with little personality. I'm tired of waking up the next morning and feeling like shit. Not wanting to do anything. I'm tired wondering how I embarassed myself the night before. I'm tired of waking up next to someone the next morning and knowning I wouldn't have slept with them unless it was alcohol induced.
I'm sure this phase will last for only one night.
Ever since I wrote about my first threesome here last week, I can't get the idea of a threesome out of my head. I masturbated thinking about it while I was writing and that continued even after I was done writing.
Tonight, I fingered myself again thinking about it. I'm almost thinking about doing it again. When people have asked me if I would do it again...I always answer yes but with the condition of that it has to be with the right guys. Well the problem is I don't think it's possible with the right guys. Sex can ruin good friendships, sex can ruin good relationships and threesomes are almost guaranteed to ruin both the next day. So I really don't know what's holding me back besides my self respect and dignity.
The idea of being between two hard men really turns me on. Feeling both of their cocks in me at the same time. Thinking of one in my mouth and one in my pussy is making me wet right now. Having all their attention on me...I have to stop.
Anyways, I just got out of the shower and I have to get ready to go out. Another night of bar/club hopping. I think I'm going to wear one of my sexier pairs of thongs and a matching bra just in case.
I was watching TV earlier tonight, drifted into my own thoughts during a commercial break and realized that my relationship with Nick was never going to go anywhere. He's a nice guy but were on different tracks. I think we're both in the relationship for the sex. While the sex is good, I think that's about it to our relationship. The only other common connection we have is a hatred for retail careers and rude customers.
And I really don't have much else going on. Usually there's at least a few guys I have crushes on, or talk to on a regular basis. Right now there's no one and I really don't mind. I'm having fun. For at least a day I'm going to stop looking for a guy to settle down with. And while Nick and I are in a kinda sort of relationship, it's not like we're attached at the hip every day and I'm kind enjoying my independence.
Things are going pretty good with me and Nick so far....The relationship is good for the most part but today I was at Target of all places and saw a happy couple about my age walking hand in hand. Because Nick and I both work in retail we have weird schedules. Tonight, I had off and he works. It's like this at least half of the week and I don't always get to see him as much as I'd like. It's the little things like seeing boyfriends walking with their girlfriends that made me wish I worked a normal schedule.
I was thinking about surprising him at work. Maybe sneaking out to his car in the mall parking garage to give him head or maybe even a quickee on his break. Last night, when we were making out we were talking about some of our past sexual experiences. He's definitely not going to hear about my threesomes yet but he did tell me that he liked to have sex out in public or even just outdoors. We exchanged a few places where we had both done it. And now I'm trying to think of some original places for us to have sex. Especially since the weather is really nice here in Chicago right now. If you have any ideas please email me.
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6.26.04 My First Threesome |
One quck side note.....Did you go see Fahrenheit 9/11 yet?
The other day I had a request from a reader to tell the story of my first threesome. I don't think it's exciting or sexual as some people would like. My first threesome while fun it was very awkward at the same time.
Paul wasn't my boyfriend but we were something more than just friends. We had made out a few times and had sex once before. Scott was his best friend, I had a few classes with him before and flirted with him but never thought or planned to take it any further.
Paul's parents were away for a weekend. It wasn't really a party, about ten people were there, but some people brought some liquor. I drank enough to feel a little buzzed and a lot horny. After midnight, people started to leave until it was just the three of us. The TV was on but we were talking more than watching it. I remember Scott, bring up that he and his girlfriend were having a rough time, she didn't even show up at the party. But Scott said, she gave pretty good head so he didn't care what drama she caused. The conversation turned to sex and Paul asked me if I had ever had a threesome. He said it like it was a joke, just like he would joke around with me in math class. I laughed but Paul asked if I'd like to try. I waved Scott over to our couch and kissed him. It was a quick peck of a kiss but then I leaned forward again to kiss him.
I didn't plan on it going any further than kissing and maybe a little feeling but I quickly decided I wanted a lot more. At the time I started kissing Scott, I was kind of sitting on Paul's lap and felt him grow hard against my ass as I kissed his friend. He started to kiss the back of my neck and caress my breasts. I took turns kissing them. I loved feeling two sets of hands on my body. They didn't take long to start taking off my clothes with my shirt and bra going first. I started to rub my ass up against Paul's cock. And I unzipped Scott's pants and slid my hand in to find his cock. I started to give him a hand job but Paul encouraged me to do more. I stopped kissing Paul and leaned down towards his cock. It all got silent for a minute, and they stopped touching me and waited to see what I would do. I put Scott in my mouth.
Paul didn't want to be left out with my help he took my shorts then panties off. And on the couch I maneuvered into a doggy style position. It felt really weird to have to cocks in me at the same time but I really liked the feeling. But on the couch it was kind of uncomfortable for me and Paul was having a problem finding a good angle to fuck me. I suggested that we move to the bedroom. Their they finally got undressed and I was completely in heaven with two hard cocks staring at me. Scott laid down and I resumed the doggy position above him. Paul watched and fingered my pussy for a few minutes then started to fuck me again.
Scott came in my mouth and Paul fucked me until he came. It seemed like it was going to be over right there. They got hard again within a few minutes and Paul laid down, I got on top of him. Scott, was kneeling behind me. He positioned me so that he could fuck me from behind. He tried enter my ass but at this time I still had never anal and it hurt more than it was worth and he really never got all the way in. But even with the pain I orgasmed. It was like my second orgasm ever from sex. They both came one more time.
We all passed out in the bed, when I woke up I was ready to do it again but Scott had left.
I wish the guys had lasted a little bit longer but it was fun. My relationship with Paul didn't last much longer. And I think they told a lot of people in our school what happened. But I still think it was worth it.
Just got back from seeing Fahrenheit 9/11. Go see this movie. It's the kind of movie that makes me think. Even if you're a George Bush supporter you should go see this movie.
Anyways, I'm going over to Nick's now. Time for a little sexual healing.
No sex last night and I'm sorry I didn't update. Got out of work late and on the way home I was bored and called Nick. Instead of him coming over we spent the next three hours on the phone. I like talking but I haven't talked to a guy for three hours on the phone since high school. I enjoyed it even though we really talked a lot about nothing and it was cute. Why neither of us drove the fifteen minutes to see each other is beyond me. But I think it would've ruined the night in a weird way. And sorry for the short update tonight, I have some phone calls to make.
Nothing happened Friday night with Nick and nothing happened Saturday either. Yeah, I met him at a bar Friday but nothing happened. We kissed a couple times but it seemed the passion was gone. I thought for sure we were heading to the dreaded friendville.
Then he called me up after he got of work today. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything. I shot down a few of his ideas until he decided we should rent a movie. He demanded that I had to see 21 Grams, said it would change my perspective on life or something like that. I had this feeling we weren't going to be watching much of the movie. One of my yet to be proven wrong theories is that anytime I watch a movie with a guy it always leads to sex.
And luckily tonight was no different. About five minutes into the movie I was lost because we spent more time kissing then watching the movie. Not that I'm complaining I'm going to watch the movie again sometime from the beginning because about thirty minutes into the movie there was no point in even having it on anymore. We were both naked and he was about to enter me.
The sex was good. Not great...but on the high end of good. It was a little bit more awkward than I expected it to be but hopefully that will work itself out in the future.
I'm still glowing. He's already asleep but he has to be awake at six so I'm not complaining. I just hope he doesn't mind that when I get back in bed I'm going to wake him.
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6.18.04 Another one nighter goes down in flames |
We ended up not going to the strip club. Instead we went to a dance club. It was kind of fun, kind of interesting. I drank enough to want to dance but not enough to be drunk. My friend went from guy to guy dancing. I followed along, dancing with the friends/wing-man. Until I felt myself beginning to sober out. Left my friend on the dance floor and took a spot at the bar.
Of course, who pops up a few minutes later but a guy, Jason I had met at the same club a few months ago. I didn't recognize him at first. After talking to him for a few minutes I remembered why after hooking up with him on the dance floor I forgot to call him. He was pretty boring. Just really good looking, a cute face, and one of the guys that spends way too much time at the gym. I let him buy me a couple drinks and retreated to the bathroom to see if my guy friend from earlier in the week was around. Of course, Nick didn't answer his phone.
I settled back at the bar and let Jason buy me a few more drinks. And after a few more he became interesting enough to talk to. He's really not that bad of a guy, but he's just not my type of guy.
But I guess he was the right guy for last night. I went home with him. I was horny, a little buzzed and just wanted to be with someone.
The whole way to his apartment, he fingered me while he drove. That I did love. If he kept driving around and fingering me I could've orgasmed just from that. But unfortunately he only lived five minutes away. At his apartment I told him I didn't want to have sex just to make out then sleep in the same bed together. We made out and he fingered me but he seemed to lose his interest in that pretty quickly. He kept asking if he could eat me out. He promised me it would be the oral I had ever gotten. It wasn't. It was ok. He really didn't know what he was doing down there. I tried asking him to stop but I had to fake an orgasm to make him stop.
After that he started taking off his clothes and the rest of mine. I decided what the hell and let him. I didn't get a good look at his dick before he pushed it into me. I wish I did. It was way too long. It literally hurt me. It wasn't too wide just too long. After about a minute I told him I wanted to be on top. Which worked for another minute while I controlled the actions until he started to thrust into me. He didn't believe me that it was hurting me but I offered to give him head. Which, I wish I didn't. He took forever to cum. And his cum tasted pretty bad. He fell right asleep after he came. Which is kind of good but left me to stare at the ceiling and think. It was defiantly just a one night stand but I'm beginning to get tired of one nighters.
Of course, I didn't have a car to get home so I had to rely on him to get me home the next morning. He wanted to fuck again but I really wasn't going to do that even if I had the time. Which, I didn't I barely had enough time once I got home to shower and run to work.
I'm meeting up with Nick tonight, so maybe tonight will end better than last night.
Just finished getting ready to go out. Got my hair "did," nails painted, make-up put on and I'm wearing that special outfit that says take me home tonight. Or something like that. Now, I'm just waiting for my friend to get here.
She said she wanted to go to amateur night at the gentlemen's club. I was learning more to going to one of the dance clubs where I get to keep my clothes on. She's got the looks and the body to win an amateur night. She has beautiful blonde hair, a beautiful face and I'd even say she has perfect tits. She says she wished she had become a stripper. My best friend since middle school who has been a dancer since she turned eighteen says she wished she never became a stripper. However, she's the only one of my friends that isn't in debt.
But back to the point. Yeah, sometimes I like going to strip clubs. It's kind of hard to put into words right now to explain why I do. I think if I had more time I'd try to explain it.
Got to run, she just called to say she's a block away.
Went out with the guy again. Had more fun tonight during the date part of the night then I did yesterday. But tonight's date ended with me going over to his house. Which (and here is the shocker) which led to us making out. And at one point he started taking off my clothes and I didn't stop him. But I was planning to stop him before any actual sex. But I didn't have to. At one point we were kissing, and I felt his cock rubbing against me and I thought he was going to go for it but instead he start kissing me down my neck, then my past my breasts, over my stomach and between my legs. I don't know why but I didn't expect him to be very good at oral but I loved it and I usually prefer the actual sex to him eating me out. After I orgasmed I expected him to want me to go down on him or for him to ask if he could fuck me. And at this point I was horny enough to do either but that was it. I left an hour later feeling like I missed something but at the same time I was glad that we haven't had sex yet. I feel like I know him because I've known him for a few months now but at the same time I feel like I really don't know him.
While I was driving home I stopped to fill up my gas tank (which cost me an arm and a leg...thanks Bush) and the guy pumping gas in front of me caught me checking him out. I smiled and he smiled back. We only talked for a couple of minutes but he seemed like a nice guy (which means he's probably a jerk) and we exchanged numbers. It was sweet and it made me feel kind of attractive.
I actually have a love life to write about for once. Well, I don't know if I'd call it a love life but it's a start. I don't know if you remember the male slut, well the guy who works in the same mall as me and at one point was sleeping with one of my coworkers. Well, that's over now and when I'm bored I'll call him and I think he'll call me when he's bored. And I'll call him when I've been drinking and I know he's called me drunk but so far nothing has happened because it seems like either our schedules or our location was keeping us apart.
We'll tonight, I went out with him, besides the fact that he's a male slut, he's not that bad of a guy and it doesn't hurt that he's really hot. We went to dinner and besides two kisses and a some hand holding nothing happened. And it's not like it was a great date. It wasn't in my top one hundred even. But there's some sort of connection. And before he dropped me off at my apartment tonight, we were making out. This lead to some above the shirt feeling on his part then some below the clothing feeling on both our parts. And I felt like I was in high school again making out in car when I had a perfectly good bed less than a hundred feet away. But I didn't want to ruin the moment. And it was become a very intense moment. And here I was helping him lower my jeans, then thong to my ankles. Then he climbed onto the passenger seat above me and unzipped his pants. He took his penis out and I really wanted it in me but at the same time I suddenly had one of those annoying moments of clarity. I realized that he about a month ago had been fucking one of my coworkers, that I had no respect for. That while I wanted to have sex so bad it wasn't worth it. If he was going to have me he was going to have to earn it. I told him no. I expected him to get mad. He didn't even complain. He seemed like he almost understood. I thought he was going to ask for me to give him head. But he didn't.
We kissed after we redressed and he promised to call me. We'll see what happens.
On a side note during our date we were talking about Christina Ricci. He said he had heard a rumour about her being lesbian. I sure hope it's true. But I think any more details will have to wait for another entry.
You caught me. I was chatting again. Kind of bored. Replace the phrase kind of with really. Sometimes I have to laugh at the lack of personality some men have online. I can almost predict what some people are going to say next. And if they start out with and ASL check I usually forget to answer them and close the chat window with them. While it's pretty impolite to ask a woman's age I understand that in this day and time you have to ask in case the person on the other side is twelve, it's not like they'd lie to you anyways (please note the sarcasm). And it doesn't matter anyways because half of the men I chat with act like their twelve. As far as the sex part of the ASL most of my chat names are something that include molly or the word female in my profile. And why bother to read a person's profile anymore you might find you have the same interests or something bad like that. As far as the location part of the ASL I really don't have a problem with that besides that it's part of the ASL check thing. Is it that hard to have some originality and work those questions into a conversation.
And yes there are times that I want to get the conversation straight to sex. But why start out the conversation with "Do you like or love to give oral?" Even if I was in an erotic mood, most likely I'm going to have fun with the man that says that. And by fun I mean start typing such ridclous answers like "oh yeah baby let me suck yours right now" or things to just scare him away by saying "no i hate giving head." I think you get the idea. I like talking about sex but I don't want to feel like I'm just here for your enjoyment.
And if you're just wanting pictures, please just move on to someone else. If you want pictures please go find a porn site. There's already millions out there.
I'm done ranting for now.
And if anyone was curious I'm feeling better emotionally and physically.
It's been five days since I last updated my diary, that should mean that I have a lot to say. Lots of things should've happened to me in the past few days. But nope, nothing. I've worked a lot. Which, pretty much says I'm a loser. Don't worry I'm only joking. I'm just tired. I feel like I should be doing somehting more with my time, with my life but I don't have the time. I have off on Monday so I think I'm going out with some friends tonight, maybe something life chaning will come out of it. Wow, do I sound dreary.
I'm getting sick again. I don't have time for this. Not that anyone has time. Seriously.
Added some more of my stories in the Erotic Story section.
I've been thinking about my ex, this was the "one" that I was suppose to marry. Everyone thought we were perfect together. But in February it ended. I ened it and it wasn't a bad break-up but it had to be done. Neither of us were happy anymore. We were on again and off again with more time on the off as days passed by. We both had seen other people. Had sex with other people. There was no reason to stay together anymore.
It was a year ago I started seeing signs that the relationship was ending. But it took me more than six months to end it. And four months after it ended I'm still thinking about him.
Since then I've had two one night stands, a few week long relationships, nothing longer than two weeks. I'm begining to think something is wrong with me.
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6.06.04 Akward Bad Habits |
I'm falling back into a bad habit. The first part of my bad habit is spending too much time online chatting. I don't know why I always go back to chatting. I know I could be doing something more productive like watching television.
The second part of my bad habit is that I like going into the sexual chat rooms, I like the ask female anything type rooms. I like talking about sexual fantasies, likes, dislikes and especially my sexual history. It seems I enjoy it most when I'm discussing my early sexual history. Which is odd because for the most part my early sexual history sucked. It was awkward, embarrassing, it didn't feel good and at it's worse it was painful. Maybe it's because by talking about it reminds me how much better my sex life is now (even when I'm not having sex). Maybe it's like how when you tell someone a secret, guilt is released. Except some of these secrets I've shared with half of the internet. And it turns me on talking about my experiences.
It's Saturday night. Party night, a few years ago I'd be out causing a rawkus. Tonight, I'm kind of lonely tonight. Replace kind of with very. Since I've moved here I've made friends but not like the friends I had in New York. There's no one I call anytime and meet up with for a good night of partying. I know people here but it's not like I can go and meet them somewhere. I'm not part of a group or a clique. I think it may be why I'm so dependent on relationships.
Instead of going to dinners and movies, I find that half of the time I'm going to bars or places I'd go with my friends to.
Went on a double date with the older guy last night. I could call him up but it went only okay and I decided to let him make the first move. It was a weird double date, instead of going out we stayed in and watched a movie. We watched Lost In Translation, even though they had all seen it I made them watch it. I liked the movie but I think it only added to my loneliness because I could relate to so much in the movie. Especially being alone in a crowd and being with the one you love but still being alone. My date sat across the couch from me while my friend and her boyfriend cuddle on the love seat. It wouldn't have been that bad but it seemed like every time I looked over at them they kissed. It wasn't a bad date I just didn't get a chance to really know him. I really don't expect him to call.
I could call up the last guy but he left me waiting by the phone too much. He was nice, the sex was good but beyond that there wasn't much.
And that's what I'm left with now. Not much.
With a few exceptions, I've always dated older men. In middle school I was dating high school boys. My freshman year of high school I lost my virginity to a senior. By my senior year I was dating college boys. In college I started dating businessmen. Maybe it was because they were closer to my maturity level. Maybe it was because they were better lovers then men my age. Whatever the reason, it never seemed weird for me to be with a man five or even fifteen years older than me.
But now one of my close friends is dating a man fifteen years older than her. She's twenty still in college, he's thirty-five, a restaurant owner and about to open his third restaurant. He's very handsome, mature, has a career, all the things that are attractive but I wonder if he is just using her as arm candy. She's almost a perfect ten. Kind of like his car that is a Porsche. I met him the other day and even though I think he's a good guy I have my doubts about him. I wonder if she's over her head.
Sometimes I wonder if I was over my head. Dating guys that just wanted to use me for sex when I was just beginning to learn what sex was. It's almost like they were taking advantage of me because no mater how mature I thought I was I pretty naive. It didn't seem weird to me when I was in high school to be dating a guy in college. In college I think I started to look down on guys that were dating girls still in high school. High school is so different from college. In college you're suppose to become more mature and responsible and live away from home for the first time. In high school, even though I didn't want to admit it I was still protected by my parents and their roof. I'm sure there's a lot more to this issue that I'd love to have a psychologist analyze but I'm getting off my topic.
After he met me, he told my friend that he'd like to set me up with one of his friends. He's eleven years older than me, I've talked to him a couple of times on the phone and we're planning to go out sometime this weekend.
Today might be the first Memorial Day I've had off in a few years. I've been working retail for so long that I'm used to working holidays like today, Christmas Eve, etc that when I found out I had today off I was suprised. I think I'm going to do a lot of nothing today except laundry until I go to a bbq later today.
The BBQ is at my friends house, the guy I've been having sex with. It seemed like we were over but it's not yet. I slept at his place Friday and Saturday night. If it wasn't for my work getting in the way during the day it would've been a great weekend of sex. I think we're both getting more comfortable with each other now and opening up to each other. We're having more than just the basic sex. We're doing a few different positions and few kinky things. However, Friday night I think I might have scared him a little. I think he thought I was innocent sexually or maybe even naive. In the middle of having sex I'll say things that I normally wouldn't say like "fuck me like your slut" or "when you cum baby cum on my face." That's what I said Friday night and he stopped for a few moments. I looked him not knowing what to say. He asked if he could titty fuck me. I was kind of surprised too but I think we opened up to each other instead of holding back what we wanted sexually.
But I just heard thunder and it's just started to downpour and that might change my plans for today. It literally looks like a hurricane and I can't even see the house across the street. And just as quickly as it started the clouds are starting to go away and the sun is begining to shine.
I don't know where to begin with this update. Yesterday, I knew but of course then I didn't have time to write. I had plans to go out with this guy last night. He was going to call me when he got out of work around ten last night, then we were going to go to a club or a bar. Me being me, I was ready for him to call at eight. I hoped he would call me a little after nine, sometimes he gets out early. At ten, I start to worry. By eleven, I've given up. I sat by the phone like I was still the girl in high school waiting for the cute boy to call me. Then, I couldn't call him, I couldn't seem too interested. Ten years later, I'm still playing games. We could've skipped the games, if he had just called me and asked me to meet at his house, I would've. The going out to a club was just a detour on our way to getting back to his bedroom.
Why he didn't call, I don't know. I'm still waiting to find that out.
This is a new guy, the last guy and I just fizzled out. I'm at least glad it wasn't just a one night stand but I'm kind of feeling right now that I can't deal with any sort of commintment.
Thing got a little crazy but of course it had nothing to do with my love life. It's died since I last updated this. I just worked like 70 hours last week. Two managers in my district was fired so I had to work a lot last week. This week is going to be busy but things are begining to calm down. But it put a dent into my love life. I didn't even have a chance to see him last week. Usually I use the excuse, I'm too tired when there's another reason I don't want to be with a guy, this time it was for real. And I think he understands.
I like him but at the same time I know he's not the one. Half of me asks why waste my time. The other half is happy to have someone in my life. Plus it's nice to have sex again.
Well if anyone was curious I got laid again last night. It's almost becoming a regular thing. Tonight, was better than the first time. We were sober, and not in so much of a rush to get it over.
But about ten minutes into are actual sex, my cell phone goes off. Of course me being me I left the ringer on. It's on the night stand next to the bed. From his position on top of me he can see very easily who's calling me. It's my friend. A few weeks ago I told this friend that I loved him. I was very drunk but it had been on the tip of my tongue other times when I've been sober. But since then neither of us have known how to act around each other. The next time we talked he asked me if I really meant what I said. I didn't really answer him because I really don't have an answer.
After I turned off my ringer, the guy I'm with looked at me like he was waiting for my reaction. I said something sarcastic like "Why are you taking a break? There's no breaks allowed." He went back into action and never said anything about the phone call. I'm not saying he should get jealous, there's no reason to get jealous but if some girl called my lover at one a.m. I might ask some questions.
I was close to my orgasm before the phone rang. The call kind of put me into the mood. Even with him inside of me I was thinking of the other guy. And thinking of the other guy is what got me over the edge. I've never been with the other guy but imagining him in bed is what made me climax.
Just a quick update before I go out tonight. I'm trying to update on a regular basis but work has been crazy this week. One of the managers has been sick so I've been working at two stores.
Other than that I saw the guy from last weekend again. We went out for dinner then to a couple of bars. He came home with me and it would've been a great night except my female friend is here. That prevented me from receiving any pleasure but I really enjoyed pleasing him. It's been a while since I've given a hand job I remember they use to be a regular thing early in high school. I really didn't know what I was doing then but the guys back then didn't seem to mind. Most of the time now, I I might use my hands to get him excitied so we can have sex but that's about it. Last night, we made out for a while and normally when it would've gone to the next level I used my hands. I used some lotion and I think he really enjoyed it. A little while later, we were planning to go to sleep but we both had just a little too much energy. I went down on him, usually oral, is just something to warm him up, or sometimes I'll give it when some location or circumstances prevent anything more. But tonight, it was kind of like me giving him head was our sex. I took my time, he just let me enjoy myself giving him head. It was actually great.
As you can see, I'm still very horny and luckily my friend is gone. Hopefully, I'll run into him tonight.
Had a dream this morning about my friend's boyfriend from college. I guess I was always kind of jealous. Anyways in the dream I'm hiking through the woods when I reach a crossroads comming down a mountain. I see him walking the other direction, he recogonizes me and said something sarcastic to make me laugh. She's walking behind him saying nothing. Flip to the next scene, we're on a couch. Some how every guy I knew from college is walking by. I'm trying to get them to stop but they disapear into a doorway. Then I'm next to him on the couch and flirting, poking and tickling. I'm trying to tickle him but he doesn't flinch and his girlfriend said he's not ticklish. Flip to the next scene, I'm sitting on the floor, his girlfriend is gone but he tells me it's time for him to go. I grab him around the waist and he falls back onto the carpert. I'm on top of him and he's kind of humping me back. It was weird I could've sworn I felt his body. I thought I could feel him hard against my waist. Even though I thought his girlfriend was right behind me, I was trying to kiss him, I'm missing hitting his cheek, hitting his neck, finally he stops fighting and let's me kiss him. And then my neighbors car alarm went off and I woke up.
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5.11.04 Sex And The Cityish |
I could be having sex right now. He called me up, wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie at his house. With a couple of exceptions I've never watched a movie with a guy without having sex. Even the most innocent movies or the most interesting movies, halfway through, well sometimes as soon as the opening credits end I'll want him. Maybe it's because I'm lying next to him, him holding me. Ok, I'm getting off on a tangent and wishing I had gone over. But the point is I didn't.
I told him I had to do laundry, which is partially true I am doing laundry tonight but it's not like I couldn't put it off until another night. I'm not doing anything special tonight. I just wanted to be alone. Which, is weird because for most of the time since I broke up with my Ex I've wanted nothing except to be not alone. Maybe it's because I don't want to become to attached. Maybe it's because I don't want him to think I'm just about the sex. Maybe it's because I am sounding like I'm from Sex and The City. (whoever, commented that my journal sometimes looks like that you get bonus points)
Well, after a crazy night of partying and drinking, it finally happened again Friday night. I'm not sure where to start to tell the story of my weird night but it began at a bar I used to go to alot. I stopped going when I ended a relationship with a guy I met there. At the same time I stopped talking to one of my friends that is a regular at that bar. But Friday, a group of my friends wanted to go because it usually has a lot of people, good music and reasonable drink prices. Of course within ten minutes, both of them walk by me. It's kind of crowded but it would've been pretty hard to miss me. So, I thought this will be easy, they'll just avoid me the whole night and I'll pretend they don't exist. Of course five minutes later, they come to where im standing at the bar to get drinks. It was akward for a little while because I just stopped talking to the guy out of the blue. But I missed hanging out with my friend, she's pretty funny and has the same kind of sarcastic humour as I do. Turns out the guy had gotten over me, the two of them were dating.
At about midnite, I was already feeling drunk, I got a phone call from Nick, the guy that works in the mall with me and flirts with me all the time even though he's sleeping with a coworker of mine. I was intoxicated enough to put this all behind me and agreed to meet him at the club he was at. I made a friend drive me there. And when I got to the parking lot. I realized I couldn't go in. The dress code was no jeans. I called him and kind of hinted that I just wanted to go back to his place but he didn't get the hints.
While, my friend (the nicest girl in the world for driving me all around Chicago) was driving me home I made a few phone calls including one to a guy I talk to every once in a while. He's nice, kind of cute but kind of boring. He took the hints and met me at my place. I was a little too drunk. I remember making out with him on my couch, then the next thing I remember I was taking of my jeans for him.
The sex wasn't that great. He was just as drunk as I was. And we didn't do anything too crazy, but I needed it. I didn't climax, that night but I did the next morning even though I was super hung over.
I don't know if this is going to lead to anything more. But if it doesn't it's my third one night stand and I'm not sure I like where this is going.
Qoute Of The Day
"I have too much crazy in my life and not enough lust"
I'm in between getting ready to go out and actually going out in a little while. I'm going to a sports bar to watch my yankees win again (knock on wood). I've met a few other yankee fans there and we've started our own support group for yankee fans trapped in chicago. But after that I'm going out to a club. And I realized I'm doing it again. I'm going to clubs and bars just to meet someone and when I don't find any guy worth anything I don't have any fun. This was my thinking every weekend when I'd go out to bars and clubs until I reached my junior year of college. It was then I realized I didn't have to meet someone to have fun. I could go to a club, drink with my friends, maybe dance once or twice and still have fun even if I didn't have someone to take me home. This theory made it a lot more fun to go out. And when I did find somone it was a major bonus.
Word Of The Day
Textual: Dictionary.com defines it as "Familiar with texts or authorities so as to cite them accurately." Got this word today when I was buying tickets from ticketmaster. Had to type in this word to prove I was actually a human. I'd like to define it as something else.
Sorry, I haven't updated my jounral for a couple days. Been working a lot and a little too tired to write when I get out of work. Plus, I'm a little deppressed, which, either motivates me to write a lot or write a little. This time it's been a little. But don't worry about me. Work is actually going good so I think my happiness there will spread to the rest of my life. I don't know it sounds good though.
I don't have a lot of time tonight before I go again but a quick update on last night. Last night, I got an IM from someone that said they knew me from the past. Then last night I was at a bar and got hit on with a guy that said "Do, I know you from somewhere?" If he had said it in a serious manner I would've walked away. But after we did the looking into each others eyes from a distance and smiling he came over and said the line. It made me laugh. He was pretty fun, we chatted for about an hour and it did help that he was pretty cute. After a little too much to drink we kissed but that's it. I did get his number so who knows what will happen.
I went to the mall today to do some shopping. Since, I work in a mall I hate going shopping. I never shop in my own mall unless and I have to and no matter what mall I go to I do my shopping as quick as possible then run out of the mall. Usually it's the crowds that bother me. Sometimes it's the poor customer service that drive me insane. Today it was all the happy couples. Yeah, I miss the sex but I miss having someone to go to the mall with. Someone to hold hands with. Someone to kiss. Someone to help me make fun of people.
Quote Of The Day
I haven't had sex in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.
Lil' Kim
I've had a little time off from work recently and I've been spending a little too much time in chatrooms. If it weren't for a few good friends I've met online, I would never go into chatrooms anymore.
First off, size doesn't matter. I don't know how many times I've said that. Yeah, I don't want a guy with a small one but at the same time if the guy is to big it isn't a good thing. I don't know really how to explain it other than with this example. If a guy has a dick that is 9 inches long, and is 7 inches away from a wall and he tries to move the wall with the tip of his dick it is going to hurt. I don't even think that really describes what kind of pain a huge cock is going to provide. Yeah, sometimes a dick that is on the larger size is going to feel a little better because it fills me, I'd rather have a man with an average size dick that knew how to use it. And only on the internet is the average dick size 9 inches. I think everywhere else it's closer to like five inches.
Then they're the guys online that claim they want to do nothing other than go down on me because it is their ultimate most favorite sexual activity.. Which, would be nice, until it got boring if what they were saying was true. However, having been with a fair amount of guys in real life, I've noticed that not every man likes or will even go down on me. And the guys that do go down on me and care about my pleasure, may enjoy going down on me but it isn't their favorite activity. I've noticed that all guys have favorite activities and it all relates to one thing, that one thing is getting themselves off. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing either. I'm there to do the same thing to.
Basically, I'm just sick of guys lying to me online and off.
I'm going out in a little while. It has to get better than this.
Quote Of The Day
Bacchus hath drowned more men than Neptune.
Dr. Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734), Gnomologia, 1732
I'm not sure what to write about tonight. Today, was my day off. I did nothing but watch TV, sleep, read and sleep some more. Did stop by the store earlier to pick up my cell charger. Of course on my way out of the mall, I run into Nick. He smiles, wants to know why I didn't call him back a couple nights ago. I didn't call him back because I wasn't intoxicated like I am when I usually talk to him on the phone. I'm sober tonight but now I'm waiting for his call. I know I could call him but I guess I'm playing the game. But at the same time I know if he called me and asked me to come over (which, he won't. I seem to be the only girl he won't sleep with.) I would come right over.
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4.28.04 My Men Or Lack Of |
There's Nick the guy I like or did like. He seemed like the kind of guy I'd like to have a relationship with. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about him anymore. He works in another store in the mall. He used to come in a lot to flirt with me. Well, he still does but I don't think he knows. I found out got oral sex from another one of the managers at my store. To make it worse it was in a car in a Wendy's parking. Then I found out they had sex in the backseat of his car outside a bar. There's nothing wrong with public sex, I may have particpated in that a few times but he can do so much better than her. She's not that great looking. And she has a boyfriend that she is suppose to marry.
Then there's Mike. He's a been a long time friend almost since I get to Chicago. He's fun to hang out with and go out to bars with. He's also that last guy I had sex with. I kind of had a crush on him which manifested itself during drunken St. Patrick's Day celebration at one of the local bars. Halfway through the night we kissed, both of us in rare form. Rare form is what we call when someone is really drunk. Well the kiss led to us going back to my place. The sex wasn't anything great but we were both durnk I can't say what he'd be like in bed normally. Our relationship kind of faded out. The days right afterward it was kind of akward between us. We'd see each other at the bar and wouldn't know what to say. Now it seems that our relationship is more of just friends again.
Which, I guess leads me back to sqaure one, still lonely and still looking. And it's not like I don't have guys hitting on me, I do, just not the right ones. It's the old cliche - alone in a crowd.
Right, now you could say I'm in between relationships. I ended a pretty serious relationship in January and since then I've only been with two men. The last time was almost a month and a half ago. Which, is a pretty long time for me considering, I've been in sexual relationships and having sex regularly since I was 14. I'm 25 now.
I'm looking to get laid now, but in reality I'm looking for the one man to sweep me off my feet. I want to be in a serious relationship but at the same time I don't. If that makes any sesnse.
I'm not all about sex.
I also love music. Mostly, music you can't hear on the radio like punk, emo and underground hip hop. However, I'm leaning away from underground hip hop. I like bands like Sunny Day Real Estate, Lucky Boys Confusion, Thursday, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Glassjaw, Saves The Day etc....
I like going to concerts but mostly the ones at small bars or theaters. I don't really like big stadium shows but I'll make exceptions for Dave Matthews and the warped tour.
I also like going out to clubs and dancing to techno, house, drum and bass, however, it seems that I do less and less of that.
My playing days are done. I played soccer and softball in school now I just watch sports. Mostly baseball and mostly the Yankees.
During the day, I'm an assistant manager at a retail clothing store. I'm not going to say exactly where it is or what the name of the store is. But it is national chain of young women's fashion clothing. It's in most malls. The job isn't bad but it isn't what I planned to be doing when I grew up. I was going to be a writer but after being a print reporter for a few months I discovered I couldn't support myself on the starting journalist salary.
I moved to Chicago about two years ago from New York. My boyfriend was from this area and when he moved back here it seemed like a good idea at the time to move with him. That pretty much killed the relationship within a few months.
I'm also an adult webmistress. This site is a side project for me to express my thoughts and feelings . I got into adult webmastering when I was in college. I found out one of my friends was doing. I needed a little extra cash and he helped me get started. He still helps me now and then. I am making a little extra cash but it's more like a hobby then anything else. My current projects include Amateur-Coeds.Com, a TGP and Real-Hotties.Com, a non-nude TGP.
Qoute Of The Day
"You need a boyfriend again so you'll clean your room."
My roommate to me after entering my room today.
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