I didn't plan on updating today but I couldn't fall asleep. I was planning on adding a new entry in the morning after Jack left.

He's sleeping right now. He fell asleep during the movie we were watching. I don't blame him for that, he has to be up at six to get back to his house so he can shower and get ready so he can leave for work by seven. I'll still be sleeping then with dreams of him.

We watched Sex and Lucia, it has sub titles but it's really good yes. Yes, there is a lot of sex but it has something called a plot. The first part is the sex, great sex scenes. I think what made them so interesting is that they weren't the typical views. You'll have to watch the movie to see what I mean.

We paused the movie not to miss any of the sex scenes. We were already in my bed so we didn't have to stop it. I didn't have to worry about how long he lasted, he last just long enough. He got pretty rough with me, slamming me into the bed, it was great. He felt so good inside of me, even when he came I didn't want to let go of him.

Writing about it now is making me damp again. He may hate me in the morning but I might have to go wake up.

People are allowed to change their mind right? I realized that there is a good chance I will never be with the love of my life again. I may have to find a new one. I really don't want to be alone, waiting for the day when my mr. right to come alone. I do like Jack, I can't eliminate him two weeks into a relationship because I don't think he's the one.

Last night, I went over to his apartment to watch a movie. It was my first time at his apartment, I expected a bachelor pad, but it was actually really nice. We planned on watching the movie on his couch but we didn't even get halfway through the opening credits before we decided to pause it. We were kissing and weren't able to really pay attention to the television screen. This leads to my shirt coming off. At this point I was kind of nervous but really enjoying it. He was pretty gentle. Some guys like to tug and pinch my breasts, I like that sometimes but not the first time a guy touches them and not all the time. His hands and mouth really turned me on. I didn't stop him from taking my jeans off. He kissed my entire body, running his tongue up and down my sides.

We went to his bedroom, I watched as he stripped out of his clothes then climbed on top of me on the bed. He's kind of on the thin side but his body is toned. I didn't even know he worked out. The kissing and touching started again. I couldn't stop myself from grinding up against him. We played a game, I tried to force him into me and tried keep his cock away. I knew I was going to win. He felt so good inside of me. I spread my legs completely and let him fill me. He started to fuck me.

But after only a few minutes, right when I was really beginning to enjoy it, he came. Needless to say I was disappointed but it was far from a first. And he started to apologize which made it worse. He said he hadn't had sex in a few months and didn't want to disappoint me. But then he made up for it. He started kissing me, lick me all over my body. He paid special attention to my breasts then slid his tongue down my stomach. He teased me forever, licking my thighs, brushing his tongue across my pussy and when I couldn't take it anymore his tongue attacked my lips, then my clit. I think I came in less than a minute. It was great.

After a long break, we went back to the movie. We watched Secretary. If we hadn't had sex before the movie, we would've during the movie. It's the story of a girl, who is hired to be a secretary of a lawyer who happens to be a dom. A lot of spanking and pain in the movie. The whole lifestyle of Dom/sub really doesn't turn me on but some parts of the fetish does. We had sex again before the end of the movie. The second time, he lasted a lot longer. I think he could've gone longer if it hadn't been for the climax of the movie. The climax is a very hot scene and he couldn't hold himself back from coming.

We had sex one more time in his bed, then fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, and started massaging his cock. He just rolled away from me. I don't know if he did on purpose or if he was asleep. He didn't say anything about it when we woke up and we really didn't have time to talk about, I rushed out so I could get to work on time.

Late last night I got a phone call from one of my ex's. Not just any of my ex's but I can say that he should've been the love of my life. However, things didn't work out. We dated for a few months it was great but it was just the wrong point in our lives. Our break up actually wasn't that bad and we actually stayed friends. We were best friends before we started going out and of course the sex ruined that.

Every few months, one of us calls the other. We talked for a while. He makes me laugh, I make him laugh. I don't have to dumb myself down when I talk to him. We could talk for hours if we didn't have to sleep. He lives in California now, and he jokes that I should escape the weather and visit him. I wish I could just leave work and visit him. Even if nothing happened it would be worth while just to spend time with him again.

Anyways, I think I'm rambling. The point of this is that, when I was hanging out with Jack tonight, I realized he'll never be like my ex. He's fun to hang out with but the whole time I was thinking of my ex. I'm tired of being alone but I don't want to be with someone just to be with someone. I think I have to figure out what I'm going to do pretty soon. I don't want to lead Jack on but I don't want to be alone.

Last night for the first time since we started hanging out, I didn't hang out with Jack. I was beginning to think I was getting tired of him, but by the end of the night I wished I had done something with him.

Last night I ended going out to my new favorite bar, the bar with the bartender who flirts with me. I enjoyed my time flirting with Adam (the bartender, I don't think I've id'ed him by name before). He told me that sometime we have to hang out and drink sometime. First I told him "start drinking right now" but since he was working he couldn't really drink. Then I said, "name a time and a place." He smiled but didn't promise anything specific yet.

Tonight, I went to dinner with Jack. It was ok, we were both kind of tired though. I'm still feeling a little buzzed from the wine and wishing I had invited Jack in. If you know what I mean.

I don't want to jinx it but things are going good with Jack. I really don't want to jinx it and I'm thinking far ahead but I'm starting to believe I'm going to have a date on Valentine's.

For those of you that don't know, I have a bad habit of being single on Valentine's Day. I wrote a story about it but it's also guaranteed that in real life I'm be Valentine free on that day. It can be traced back to my early dating years in high school.

Tonight Jack came over and we had a movie night. We watched Body Of Evidence, the movie with Madonna. Don't ask why. It's a long story. It involves two people being too lazy to go to the video store and it was the only movie in my roommate's movie collection we both hadn't seen.

Anyways, it made me feel like a great reader. I really feel like I could've written a better story, especially the dialog. The actors didn't help either, I saw better acting in my fourth grade play.

Anyways again, there's a lot of BDSM S/M D/s type of stuff going on in the movie. While I do like a little pain and roughness here and there that's about the extent of my interests. However, the candle scene was great. Reminded me of something I really do enjoy that I haven't done in a long time. But yeah my point that I was trying to get to was: I can't tell if Jack is into that sort of thing. He didn't seem disgusted or interested.

Well, it did finally stop snowing here so I went out on a real date with Jack. For the first time we really talked. I had time to learn about it him while we waited for the food (the restaurant was half empty but it seemed to take forever to prepare our food but it was worth it when it finally arrived).

Jack just got out a long term relationship, three years. That kind of scared me because I'm not sure if he's over his ex. He mentioned her a lot but that's kind of understandable because when you spend so much of your life with someone, even after it's over they're still a big part of your life.

Other than that there were a lot of positive things. He has a good job, he has career goals. He actually owns his own house. He loves music almost as much as I do. He wants to take me to see a jazz show. He said he can't believe I've never been to one. He reads a lot. He is older, but just by a few years.

He still seems too good to be true.

The night ended with us sitting in his car. I didn't want the night to end but at the same time I'm not ready for him to sleep over under normal circumstances. We kissed goodnight several times. Each time I was about to leave but then we started talking again.

He's back over now. He's downstairs watching the football game with my roommates boyfriend. Which is kind of weird because they are coming great friends. They didn't even notice when my roommate and I left. There's only so much football I can take so I'm pretending to take a nap.

It's been snowing here for what seems like forever. Today when the snow isn't falling from the sky it's being blown by the wind. It started snowing last night right around rush hour to make things interesting. But it didn't really start snowing heavier until around nine, the same time I was supposed to meet Jack for our date. Instead of canceling it, my roommate thought I should invite him over, she had rented some movies and bought some significant amounts of wine and liquor. Even though I thought he might give Jack the wrong idea, I invited him over.

Awkward at first for so many reasons. First, my new interest was in the same room as my last interest's brother. Second, I really didn't know Jack beyond our few conversations on the phone, it felt weird having him in my house. It felt really weird when he sat next to me on the couch when the lights were turned off and we stared watching the movie. However, halfway through the movie, his arm was around me and my arms rested on his legs. We kissed for the first time in the middle of a violent scene.

When the movie was over, we looked outside. His car had already been plowed in, the streets were still snow covered and it was still snowing. I invited him to stay over. He agreed on the condition that he wouldn't be pressured to do anything. He was joking.

We really didn't do much. I forced him to watch Bridget Jones' Diary because he had never watched. I think he liked it but wouldn't admit it. My roommate and her boyfriend went upstairs halfway through the movie. They complained they had already watched the movie "too many damn times" but I think it was a ploy to allow me to be alone with Jack.

This lead to us making out. He's a great kisser. His hands didn't go anywhere they weren't suppose to.

After the movie, we went up to my room. I fell asleep in his arms. He woke me up with a surprise. While he was shovleing out his, he shoveled out my car, my roommates car and her boyfriend's car. He seems to good to be true.

Depending on the weather, we might out tonight for our first real date. But I hope it snows, I'd like him to spend another night here.

I entered a story into the Valentine's Day contest at Literotica. It's based on a true story, the character in the story was dumped on Valentine's, then goes to a bar to sort out her problems. From there on things get interesting. There's some sex in the story and I hope my Valentine's this year ends up like that night. Not that I'm looking forward to Valentine's or anything. One step at a time.


Single Again: Click Here Now: Read my story and vote on it. Pretty please.

Tell me what you think of the story.

I had a feeling Mark was going to say he just wanted to be friends. I was right. He brought it up last night when we were talking on the phone. I knew this wasn't going to be the relationship of a lifetime and I saw it coming but it still hurt a little. Maybe, hurt is the wrong word. I think disappointment is a better word. I really would like to be friends with him. I wouldn't mind being a friend with benefits but he's really too far away to satisfy my needs.

I also hung out with Ryan for a little while last night. He came over to talk. I called him the other night when I was under the influence. We really didn't talk much. He said he had things to tell me but wimped out before he told me.

On the good side of things, Jack called me. We solidified our date for Friday. To say I'm looking forward to it would be an understatement. Every time I talk to him he seems like a better guy.

I just got back from the bookstore, but I got something more than books there tonight. I have a date for Friday night.

While I was wondering around the books I kept running into this cute guy. I'm not big on being hit on by random men but this guy got past my defenses. I caught him checking me out, instead of trying to ignore it like I usually do I accidentally smiled. He took it as a sign to talk to me. He asked me what book I was looking for. When I told him, he told me some other books and authors to check out. I usually hate when people do that because their recommendations are usually bad but even though I had read many of the books and authors he mentioned, his recommendations were right on point.

I have this bad habit of giving out a fake number when random guys ask for it but when Jack asked I gave him my real one.

The weekend started out kind of on a low note for me. Work was rough on Friday, my boss is less and less at the store and I'm doing more and more of the work. Friday night was quiet. Saturday at work it kind of felt like none of the staff wanted to work, including my boss. I hate having to tell everyone what to do, including my boss but it was either that or we all would've been standing around talking and ignoring customers.

Saturday night things got interesting. I went out to one of the bars I go to pretty often, the one with the bartender that I think likes me. Well, since the last time I was there I found out he has a girlfriend but of course that hasn't killed my feelings for him, I just sort of see him in a new light. Before I thought he was flirting with me because he liked me, now I see it as he flirts with me because he considers me a friend. It all became clear last night, in between customers we were talking. He mentioned his girlfriend so I knew I was stuck in friendville again. I really thought I had a chance.

I have this bad feeling that Mark is going to say he just wants to be friends too. Hopefully, I'm just being paranoid.

I didn't go out tonight. I think that it's the first I haven't gone out on a Friday in a while. I had a headache earlier, it's gone now but I used it as an excuse to get out of going out with my friends. I wasn't in the mood for crowds or dealing with strange men hitting on me tonight. I think I need a vacation.

I spent the night sleeping, reading and trying to do some writing (but I couldn't get into a rhythm). I was kind of hoping Ryan would call, wanting to know if I wanted to do a DVD night. Of course he didn't call. If he did, I wouldn't be writing this right now.

Again, I was planning on masturbating tonight, I was thinking about it all day at work but so far I haven't. I haven't really been in the mood. It's almost been a week since the last time I had sex or masturbated. For me that's a long time.

Not much of an update again tonight. Talked to Mark earlier. Still no plans on when we're going to get together again. This is kind of becoming a recurring theme. Other than that not much to report. Went out last night, that's the reason I didn't write anything. It was rather uneventful other than the rain driving their and driving back. Nothing like lots of hydroplaning.

At some point I promise to have some good news. At least that's what I tell myself.

I found one of my old stories while I was wondering around Literotica tonight. Definetly not the best story I've ever written but I like it because unlike some of my creations this one was based on a real encounter. Check it out "No Bleach Need"

Not much to report tonight. I miss Mark like that's a big shock. We talked on the phone earlier but right now we don't have plans to get together again. Our work schedules conflict in the near future.

I was planning to light some candles tonight, put on some soft music and use my special friend my vibe. But when I was finally alone I wasn't in the mood. I'm still not in the mood.

So yeah, I think I'm going to go steal my roommates Sex And The City season two DVD's, make some popcorn and some hot tea.

Well, my weekend of heaven is over. Mark just left a little while ago. It was a good weekend, I had a lot of fun. I don't know if the relationship is going to go anywhere and I really don't care that much. Well, I do but it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't lead to anything more than sex.

I had to work today so that sucked. But it was nice because I was in the mood when nothing could go wrong. Even when I had a rude customer it didn't bother me. When I got home from work all he wanted to keep watching the Packers game. He was in a pretty bad mood because they were losing. I tried to watch the game with him but he made it no fun. I tried giving him a handjob but he wouldn't get erect to I started to give him head. His mood definitely improved but I still couldn't get him away from the television. Which kind of sucks because it was the last time we were really alone. My roommate and his brother came home during the fourth quarter.

The last time we had sex was Saturday evening when I got home from work. It was a quickie that started in the shower but it was kind of hard to get into a comfortable rhythm so we ended up finishing on my bed. Saturday night I showed him the town. Went to a bunch of bars. Even stopped at the bar Ryan's girlfriend works at but neither of them were there. We had a lot to drink. I'm really glad I wasn't the designated driver. We were making out what seemed to be all the time. We almost got kicked out because at one point he put his hand up my sweater and a bouncer saw it. While driving home we were in the backseat while my roommate and her boyfriend were in the front. Mark fingered me but I was a little too drunk to really enjoy it. At home we had a few more drinks. I should've stopped before that. We went up to my room, Mark stopped on the way at the bathroom. I ended up passing out in my underwear and bra on my bed in the minute it took Mark to go to the bathroom.

I woke up this morning horny but I had to run to work.


--
I'll try to give more detail in future entries about my sexual experiences (because hopefully there will be many) but I kind of write as it comes to me. Kind of odd how all guys want to know how a guys package compares to another. I'll say it again, size doesn't matter as much as guys think it does. Yeah it sucks if it's too big or too small but for the most part it isn't a major difference. It really is about how he uses it and what else he does (i.e. how well he goes down). And if you were curious he's about average sized, pretty good in bed and definitely knows how to go down.

Well, guess who got laid last night. If you guessed me you guessed right. It's only been two plus months, I think I was due.

The day seemed to go on for ever. I thought I was never going to get out of work. I ended up getting out of work late and I thought Mark was going to be waiting for me when I got home. Nope, he was late too. For once it was a good thing.

When he finally got here it was very very awkward. We were silent the whole drive to the restaurant. We didn't really say much at dinner, small talk mostly until the wine start setting in.

He finally broke the silence. He told me about his last relationship. It had just ended a little before Christmas. It had lasted three years, he said it was a mutual ending but I could tell he was still hurt by it. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. I told him me neither was I but I was tired of being alone. He said he just wanted to be friends. I think he was hinting at friends with benefits. At this point I did one of the coolest things I've ever done. He was sitting across from me, I ran my foot across his thigh. I would've gone further but the table was too wide.

A few more glasses of wine and I was ready to go. We kissed on the way to his car. We made out in his car some. I tried to give him head but he stopped me, said he had to make a phone call. Which was really really weird.

Well, when we got home my roommate was gone, which was weird because when I last saw her she said she was going to be home last night. Well, we went up to my room, turns out the phone call he was made was to his brother. His brother and my roommate had laid rose petals all over my bed and filled my room with candles. I had never seen anything like it before.

He started off with going down on me, for a long time. It was nice. Before I came, I asked him to fuck me. He did and with a little help of my fingers I came, it was amazing.

After our first session, we took a break and watched my roommates copy of the movie Bound. I had never seen it but she said I had to watch sometime. Well there is a very very hot couple of lesbian scenes early in the movie. For some odd reason this led to us having sex again.

We did it one more time before we went to sleep.

He's still sleeping now, in the bed about five feet away from me. I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm thinking of waking him up with a little oral pleasure.

The sex wasn't the best but it was good. I definitely needed it. It wasn't meaningless sex but it wasn't life changing, just some good old casual sex.

I don't know if you remember the guy that works in same mall as me, that my coworkers don't like. But anyways, I ran into him again. He said, "Are you stalking me?" It was a joke but it was one of those jokes when yeah you're joking but at the same time there is a deeper meaning. And he looked me directly in the a eyes a few times, a little longer than normal. Something is going on here. I'd like to make the first move here but I'm being such a wimp.

And umm yes in less than 24 hours I will be hanging out with Mark.

Staring tonight with a quote I found while reading a story earlier. It went something like this.
I can count the number of lovers I've had on one hand, at least the ones worth remembering.

Yeah, so I've been thinking. I really shouldn't do that. But yeah, I decided one of the main reasons I didn't sleep with Mark when I last saw him because I knew almost right away that even though I like him, he's not the one. But I don't think that should stop me from sleeping with him. And I don't think it's stopped me from sleeping with anyone before now (with the exception of the last few months). These past few months, I've felt like I'm saving myself which is odd because I haven't been a virgin for over a decade. I miss sex, not just the fucking but being with someone. And the first three qaurters of the year (right up to and including my Birthday)I felt like I was having too much sex. Having sex just to have sex, like it lost all meaning.

I'm not going to say I'm lowering my standards and just going to sleep with anyone. If the situation is right I'm not going to hold back anymore. So if everything goes well this weekend, I might be having sex again. And if it turns out to not be meaningful, there's nothing I could do about it. To an extent I have to enjoy life while I can.

Last night ended up being not so quiet. I was about to start watching a movie when Ryan called me. I hadn't heard from a little so it was kind of a surprise.

He invited himself over to watch the movie. I didn't have a problem with that, I was beginning to miss him. But I did have a problem with him being slightly drunk. He forgot to mention that on the phone.

We laid down on the couch and except for him needing to go to the bathroom every few minutes, he didn't act drunk. That was until he started kissing the back of my neck. I didn't stop him. I rolled over to kiss him on the lips. I forgot the movie was on. It got pretty intense. At one point he was on top of me. My pants were undone and I was topless. During a quick break I asked him what had happened to his girlfriend. He said they had gotten into a fight. I asked what it was about and he said it was basically because he didn't want to meet her parents this weekend.

My heart was broken. I thought they had broken up. He left after that. I guess I won't be going to the bar his girlfriend works at for a while.

He called me to apologize today. He told me he still liked me. I accepted the apology but I asked him if he still liked me why was he still with his girlfriend. He didn't have an answer for that.

I guess, I'm going to look forward to seeing Mark this weekend and hope that doesn't end the same way.

Not much to report today. I really did nothing. I had the day off and took the time to relax and recover. I spent some time writing. I'm starting to do that on a regular basis so expect to see some new stories on the main page sometime soon. The stories that are there are kinda old so there's a need for some new ones.

My roommate's boyfriend's hot brother is going to be coming down to visit next weekend. To say, I'm looking forward to it would be an understatement. We talked for a while on the phone tonight, almost too long.

On a side note, noticed signs that one of the guys that works in one of the stores near mine might like me. Usually when I see him, he'll acknowledge me but usually keep doing what he's doing. Today, he stopped talking to one of his coworkers to come over and talk to me. And I've noticed our level of flirting increase drastically in the past few weeks. The original level was almost the zero, the new level isn't much higher but it's better.

He's really cute, the only problem is that a lot of my coworkers don't like him. Not that their opinion really matters just if things were going to go anywhere they would make it more stressful.

And on a separate side note, the cute bartender at one of the bars I go to went out of his way to say hi to me. We were sitting at a different section of the bar than the part he was working but twice he stopped by to joke around with me. I felt super cool because my friends who had never been there before were like "who is he?" And when we were leaving he went out of his way again to say goodbye to me.

I know I'm almost 24 hours late on wishing everyone happy new years but this is the first time I've been near the computer (at least when I was awake).

I really didn't do much last night. Started the night with a little predrinking at home with my roommate and her boyfriend. It's been a while since I've done any predrinking. We'll just say my tolerance isn't what it used to be. But we started drinking so early I had time to sober out at least a little bit.

After watching the ball in New York, (eleven our time but when midnight is really) we went out to the bar. My roommate knew someone so we didn't have to wait in line. I felt special. I spent the next hour looking for someone special to kiss at midnight. No such luck with males. However, at midnight me and another single friend of mine did kiss. It was just for fun though. One of the bartenders said that if me and my friend kissed at midnight we would get drinks for free for the next hour. I got pretty wasted again. I started looking for someone to sleep with but luckily my roommate saved me.

At two when the bar closed, we moved the bar to our place for an afterhours party. A lot of liquor and a lot of cute guys. This is the point where I blacked out for a little while. Something I haven't done in a while. My roommate told me I was making out with some guy. She said I was trying to get him up to my bed but luckily he was more sober and didn't take too much advantage of me. Among other things it would've totally sucked to get laid and not even remember it.

Woke up today with no hangover but all day at work all I wanted to do was sleep, even after a lot of coffee and red bull.