I sneaked a peak at my ex-boyfriend's blog last night. This isn't the ex that I'm always talking about, this was my ex from college. This was the guy I saw around campus for two years but never talked to him until we had a class our junior year. We hit it off and next think I know we were in bed. We dated for two years and I can only imagine what it would be like if I had talked to him when I first saw him. I guess even today, I'm still in love with him at some level. We've both dated people since our relationship ended but it really hurt when I read he's moving in with his girlfriend. I know I shouldn't care but it just made me feel even more lonely.

Somehow that lonliness was triggered again when at work we started talking about our vacation plans for next year. We're not allowed vacation time during the holidays but once January comes around it's a different story. All my coworkers are going somehwere with their boyfriends or husbands. Me, I have no one.

Back when me and Ryan we're still dating we kind of made plans to go on vacation this winter to Florida or someplace warmer than here. It wasn't anything serious, in fact we were just joking around one night. We were both complaining we were tired of working and need a vacation. He asked me where I was taking him. Now, I wish I had kept our agreement.

I was going to end my last entry with It was a tease but it made the time when we were finally together even better. But that was just a cliche and not even true.The first time sucked. It was a lot more comfortable in his bed then it would've been in his SUV but wasn't that great.
He came after only a minute. Which, I guess I'm kind of used to because it doesn't bother me but it was weird because he apologized for cumming so quick. He was the only guy to ever apologize and you can bet he was definetly not the only guy I've ever been with that came to quick.

He tried to make up for it. As soon as he could get hard again we had sex again but he lasted only a few minutes.

The problem continued for the most part for the first month or so we were having sex. Luckily for him he started to go down on me. He told me that he had never really gone down on a girl before me but he wasn't a rookie. And after we started having sex on a more regular basis he did build up his endurance.

It's funny how I can still remember the small details of our sex life even though I can't remember where we went on our first real date two months after we started hanging out.

I made it through the weekend. But my body hurts, I think I'm missing more than a few hours of sleep and my feet hurt (I don't think I'll ever be wearing heels or anything similar to that ever again).

I wasn't sure what to write about tonight. There's no new boy or anything like that in my life to update about. Issac called me last night so I have to call him back tonight. It feels like a chore. He doesn't excite me right now. And Ryan called me when I was driving home from work. I don't want him to think I'm interested in a relationship with him but I don't to lose him as a friend. If I did, who else would I have to cuddle with?

My friend left her cell in my car last night, so I had to drop it off at her house. She lives in the same suburb as my ex. It was weird driving on the streets to her house. I haven't been on the roads for at least a year. It actually was a year because I remember seeing the same Christmas tree sales lots and the same businesses that put up Christmas lights. Everything is the same but almost different. There was a new stop light and new lane. I wanted to turn on the street that leads into his development but that seemed to stalker like and with my luck he would be coming out his driveway and see me. Not that it matters because, really I'm over him.

I drove past the parking lot we had sex in when we couldn't wait the five minutes to drive to his condo. For some reason it reminded me of the first time we had sex or were about to have sex. It was after our second or third time hanging out. He had forced me to go out with him instead of going home to sleep one night after work. We planned on going to some new restaurant that neither of us really knew how to get to. We got lost of course. We stopped in the parking lot of some apartment complex. Found a secluded spot to park and we ended up making out like we've done the past nights. This time a little bit further. We had kind of planned on having sex the next time but I think we were expecting to do it at one of our apartments.

Before our making out had stopped at him feeling me up. We had been in the back seat of his car after our last get together, him on top of me making out. He was hard. I could feel him even through his jeans and mine. He was pushing his hard on against me. I wanted him but I think one of the reasons I liked him was because he didn't fuck me then. But the next time our making out went underneath our clothes, it went to him fingering me. When that started I wanted more. I was wearing a skirt, he pushed it up on me. We pushed my panties to the side. He undid his pants and pulled himself out. I climbed on to him and I felt his skin hard against my waist. But we stopped. Neither of us had any condoms with us. It was like I had a taste but I couldn't have it. It was a tease but it made me want him even more.

I've made it through two thirds of the busiest shopping weekend of the year and I haven't killed anyone yet. I could go into a rant about how people have no respect, are pigs and are very rude but instead I'll talk about Brian.

Today, I saw him in the mall. The first time, I saw him walk by my store, I took a double take. I recogonized him but I didn't know from where. Then his name, Brian popped into my head.

Brian, was a guy I worked with briefly when I first moved to Chicago. I only worked with Brian for a couple of months and we really only had a professional relationship. He was a little quiet around me but I could tell he was one of the nice guys. At the time I was still dating the ex and still into jerks. It never really crossed my mind to be interested in him. Now, looking back he looks like an idea candidate.

When I was going to get food on my break, I walked past him. I was too nervous to say anything, which is really stupid because I'll probally never see him again. But if he was interested wouldn't he have said something. Anyways, I wouldn't know what to say to him. We did catch each others eye for a second before the crowds pushed us away.

A not too eventful Thanksgiving. Had some great food but it was a pain to clean it all up. Had some great wine but there was no cute roommate's boyfriend's brother to hook up with this year. Took a couple of great naps so that I wouldn't have to watch Bears lose and my friends complain.

Tomorrow the fun begins. Crowds of cheerful people looking for the perfect gift. Or if they're anything like the people last year, a lot of people looking for the perfect gift for themselves. Either way, the mall is going to be packed. I'll be lucky if I find a parking spot in the same time zone. I can't wait to deal with the happy people that just want to mess up the store while I try to keep it from falling aprt. If anyone wants to work for me let me know.

I'm taking a break right now from cooking and what not. Well, actually my roommate is doing most of the cooking but I'm helping her. This is the second year in a row we're have a Thanksgiving get together for our friends. Last year, at this time I was fighting back a major hangover. Last night, I went out but didn't really feel like drinking. I think I was home by 1:30, which is pretty early for me. Also last year, I spent part of the morning arguing with my ex. At this point we were in another one of our breaks. He knew that we were having friends over for dinner and I think he was jealous that he wasn't invited. He would have been more jealous if he had known that after dinner I fell asleep on the couch with my roommate's boyfriend's cute brother.

I started this entry with a plan to talk about how I've spent Thanksgivings since I moved out of my parents house. Instead the topic becomes my ex. I swear I'm not still hung up on him. It's just kind of hard to believe that a year ago we were still on speaking terms. Anyways, the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade is on. When I was still living in New York, I went to the parade a few times. When I was a kid it was a magical parade with flying cartoon characters. Now, when I watch it I remember the last time I went. I almost froze my ass off and almost got arrested for drinking in public.

There much better now, I didn't just write about my ex. I'm going to get going and watch the parade.

Today we had the first snowfall here in Chicago. And guess who got stuck in traffic on her way home from work.

The first time wasn't even on purpose. I put my hand between my legs to adjust my coat. I swear it was an accident. My fingers brushed in between my legs. I didn't even notice that I was rubbing myself at first. It was like I was on automatic. It wasn't until my body start to come alive that I realized that I was in the middle of three lanes of traffic. I peaked to my left then to my right to see if anyone had noticed. I moved my coat so that if anyone could've seen into my car they wouldn't notice. Just feeling the fabric of my panties against my lips made me wet.

The only problem is that as soon as I got close, the traffic started to move quicker. If the roads weren't slippery I would have gone for it. Instead, I waited until I got home. I ran up to my room and jumped on my vibe.

Well, it seems the snow has stopped and the roads are beginning to clear. Tonight is one of the biggest party nights of the year so it's time for me to head out. I really need a lover.

Why don't you guys (and females) comment. I won't bite. Just tell me if you like my blog or not. Or what you think I should change.

On a separate note, I'd do a real entry but I'm feeling kind of nice. The bartender gave me and my friend free drinks tonight. So yeah stay tuned for a regular normal sober update tomorrow.

I went on a mini-shopping spree last week. The shopping bags were sitting on my floor until this morning when I started to put the clothes away. In the back of my underwear drawer I found the lingerie my ex bought me for Christmas last year.

Well, not exactly this but it was pretty similar. The funny part is that he never got to see me wear. Not even after we got back together. We were broken-up at Christmas but he still got me this gift. He said he had bought it before we broke up. He never does any holiday shopping prior to Christmas Eve so I doubt that. I think he was hoping I would slip into it and model it for him. The ironic part is that the only guy that got to see me wearing it was too drunk too enjoy it. I was going to say the funny part but it really wasn't funny for me. I wore it to a New Years Eve party with the guy I was "sort-of" seeing. It was at a hotel with his friends. The party was in one room, but we had another room where we could be alone. While he was getting drunk, I was getting horny. I hadn't had sex for a few weeks. I coudln't wait to take of my dress so he could see the surprise underneath. To bad by the time we got around to that it was 2 a.m. When I took my dress off I don't think he even noticed what I was wearing. He just wanted to get on top of me. The worse part was that was to drunk to get hard. And while I was giving him head to get him erect, he passed out. I slept next to him for a couple hours. Then got up with the sunrise. I put back my lingerie on that wasn't making me feel so sexy anymore. And left without telling him. I didn't see him again for like six months until I ran into him at a bar. That was akward.

Anyways, back to the point I guess. I was wandering the Victoria's Secret website and realized that if I want someone to buy me lingerie this year it was going to have to be myself. And I realized that I'm going to have to find something to do this New Years. I have a bad habit of being single on New Years.

A rough day.

At work, I was in the mood to work for the first few hours until I went on break. After break, I lost all my motivation. When I stop working so does all of my staff. I hate it when we're not doing anything besides talking amongst ourselves and not even helping the customers. But then in the last hour they got mad at me because I made them work because the store has to be decent looking for the closing manager.

After work saw some pretty crazy road rage on the tollway on the way home. A pick-up was trying to get past one of those custom import cars. They ended up taking turns cutting each other off and at one point the car had to dive into the emergency lane. While, I've never been involved in anything that crazy I realized that I should chill with my road rage. I'm still driving like a New Yorker even though I haven't driven there for a while now.

The whole day I was looking forward to my date. Going into the date if things went right I was contemplating going home with him. I was pretty horny. But about ten minutes into dinner he touch some sort of raw nerve. It wasn't even really his fault. I was just in a bitchy mood. We didn't go anywhere after dinner. He walked me to my car. I apologized for being a bitch and asked if he would want to hit the restart button and try it again sometime. He said he would.

Now, I'm at home wishing I had someone to talk to about my day. My roommate is already asleep. There's no one that I can really call right now that would just want to talk. I'd call one of my friends in New York but it's kind of late. Plus I've lost touch with most of them.

I called Issac back. We talked for way too long. But it was definitely worth being tired in the morning at work. I'd tell you all the details but I'm tired now. However, the important detail is that we set up a date for tomorrow night.

My friend Ryan just left. We watched Miranda, with Christina Ricci (one of the women on a select list of female celebrities I'd go lesbian for). Miranda is a romantic comedy/thriller. Pretty good movie actually. And unlike a lot of times when I'm watching a DVD at home I didn't have sex during the movie.

My friendship with Ryan is weird. We went out for a short time this summer then I found someone else and kind of forgot about him. However, I ran into him earlier this month and all seemed to be forgiven. And we actually became friends. Since then we've hung out a few times. Had some good laughs and good conversations. He's slept in my bed a couple of times when he was too drunk to drive home. He did try to feel me up but after I pushed his hand away he just held me. He hasn't tried anything since then even last night.

I think he still likes me, and maybe I like him a little. The sex was good but I don't ever see myself in a relationship again with him. I'd like to keep him as a friend but I don't know how long it will last.

On a side note, the guy I met last night called while Ryan was here. Luckily my phone was on silent and in my purse.

Let me bring you up to speed on my life. Hopefully you'll look at my profile if you want the basics.

I'm single right now. It seems to be the biggest issue in my life right now. I've been officially single since early October. Actually, if you want to get technical I've been single since April. That's when I broke up with the guy that was suppose to be Mr. Right. He wasn't. But I'm happy being single for the most part. I do miss the regular sex that comes with a relationship. I’ve slept with four men this year, the most I’ve slept with since my freshman year of college. I also slept with one woman. The first time since college. And for the most part the sex has been OK but I want something more than just another lover to add to the list. But I don’t want another serious relationship yet. But I do want to someone to make me happy. Someone to take me to the movies. I’m tired of being the third wheel. I’m tired of meeting men that stare at my chest and can’t hold a conversation for more than a minute. Wow, I sound like a hopeless romantic.

I guess that’s the starting line for this.